How come I do not get any
answers to my prayers?

Eph 5:17
17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

Another way of saying this is that if we are sensible and clear sighted, we will be able to understand God’s will. Hence, it must be possible to know why we do not always receive answers to our prayers. There has to be some principles.
Still, I have some ”I do not know” when it comes to this, and there are some questions I am going to ask God about when I enter Heaven, if I cannot get an answer down here. I will at least be able to see the big picture when I come to heaven.

One of the books in the Bible, which answers this question, is the book of James. Maybe it’s not the book we enjoy the most hearing from, but it’s still a part of the Bible, and I believe for a reason.

Be concrete

James starts his letter by saying
James 1:5-8
5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

It is easy to doubt sometimes, isn’t it? It is really easy to feel condemned by this scripture. But remember, God does not condemn, but He wishes to give us greater faith that we might not doubt.
I believe it is important to be concrete and know what you want. If you do not know if you want an answer or not to your specific prayer, it is the same as unbelief, and then you cannot expect an answer. God asks what do you want and what can I do for you?
This is the truth I have discovered: When I have doubted what I really want, and when I have not been specific, nothing has happened. But also, when I have prayed specifically and known what I want, often what I wanted came to pass.

One example was when I needed more supporters for my ministry. There was a day when I was talking to God about this, He said to me ”What amount of money do you want each month?” At first I thought maybe 500 NOK, but then I decided that I needed at least another 1000 NOK in addition to what I already had. So I answered God and said ”I want an additional 1000 NOK each month from one partner”. That night a guy came up to me and told me that he wanted to support me with 1000 NOK a month.
God gave me a concrete answer. Concrete prayers are what James is asking for in this scripture.

Pray according to God’s will

Next scripture is maybe not any more gentle than the previously one, but there is a serious truth in these verses:
James 4:3-4
3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God

The words here speak for themselves. It is possible to pray wrong. We will not get what we pray for if we pray according to our own selfish will.
We need to know God’s will when we pray (Rom 12:2, Eph 5:17).
We also need to search ourselves sometimes, and ask if we are friends of the world. This does not mean that it is bad or wrong to have non-Christian friends, but the question is if we compromise our faith for the sake of keeping the peace. This means: Do you live in sin in any area of your life? I’m not talking about falling in a sin, we all do that at times, but constantly committing a sin you are aware of without caring about it. One example could be to have sex before or outside marriage, without accepting this as a sin.
The key to prayer answers is humility

Be humble

James 4:6-8
6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

It is important to have the right attitude when we pray. If we have sin we have not dealt with in our lives, we have a wrong attitude and will not receive any answer, despite the fact that we may pray according to God’s will.
When you approach God in prayer, ask if there is anything you need to deal with. If (not necessarily every time) He reminds you about something, dare to humiliate yourself and deal with the sin God is reminding you about. Maybe you have said something that hurt another person. Then you need to work things out with this person before you approach God again with you requests (Matt 5:23-24).

Deal with the sin

It has already been mentioned that humility is a crucial factor. Therefore it is important to deal with sins in our lives constantly so that God can answer our prayers.
Mark 11:24-26
24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Jesus says here that we will get whatever we pray for, but there can be one hindrance. If we do not deal with our sins, for example by not forgiving someone, God will not answer.
The following scripture also talks about confessing our sins before we can receive answer to prayer.

James 5:13-16
13Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

The self-pity sin
In the case you do not know it: Self-pity is a sin, and this sin can, just like any sin, hinder your prayer life. If you indirectly think that you deserve to get an answer, or that God has to feel pity on you because of all the bad stuff you have gone through, you are on the wrong track. God feels sorry for you, but He will not answer your prayer just because you have experienced so many worse things than everyone else. You probably have not experienced more bad stuff that anyone else either, because most of us go trough hard times in life.
Self-pity is probably one of the sins that most of us struggle with, more or less, and it has been one of the worst sins for myself. From experience I know that it can be a huge trap and the source of many problems. But I have also seen in my own life that there is a way out of it, which self-pity thoughts diminish both in amount and strength. I was able to capture the thought before to much harm was done, but still it has led to some difficulties in my life.
Self-pity often leads one to manipulate others and even tries to manipulate God; “You have to do this for me because I’m in such bad condition.” It can almost reach the point (it almost did for me) that someone will say: “If you do not help me, I do not want to live any longer.”
It’s a hard struggle to start fighting self-pity, especially if it has ruled your mind for a while. But remember that God will never give up on you and He wants you to be victorious in this area, as in every area, and He will always support you. Begin to accept what the Truth says about you, instead of the lies of the enemy.

You are righteous!!

This scripture reveals a great encouragement: “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” “Am I righteous?” You may ask, “I though I was nothing but a sinner?” This is the mindset the Devil wants us to have. He wants you to believe that your prayer has no effect. In the moment you accept Jesus as you lord and savior you also receive his righteousness. It is not your own righteousness we are talking about here, but Jesus’ righteousness, which we receive by grace. That means that we receive it despite the fact that we do not deserve it. As long as we live in the light and do not allow sin to attach to our lives but are willing to constantly deal with the sin, we are righteous in front of the Holy One. That is why your prayers is powerful and has a grate effect. Receive and accept this fact.
Put on the breastplate of righteousness! (Eph 6:14)

Endurance

James 5:7
7Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains.

Endurance is maybe one of the most important things when it comes to receiving answers to prayer. For people living in the western world today the concept of endurance can be hard to grasp, because the western world has become an instant world. We have instant food, instant coffee, and microwave in order to cook fast. We have fast cars and planes in order to travel fast and efficient. We are trained to expect everything to be done in a hurry, in less than as little time as possible. But this is not how praying works. The answer can delay. If it does, it is important not to give up, but instead continue to pray. This is what faith is; to not see the answer yet but not give up before you have received the answer. Abraham stands out as an example of a man in the Bible who had endurance. He believed and trusted God, even though the promise delayed several years before it came to pass (Rom 4:13-23, Heb 11:8-13). One reason why an answer can delay can be because of resistance in the spiritual realm, as Daniel experienced (Dan 10).

Do not give up

This point, almost, overlaps with the previous one about endurance, but this is more an active endurance and emphasizes the importance of endurance. Endurance is a choice to not give up, independently of circumstances and situations, as human eyes perceive them. We have to choose to endure in prayer and not give up, even though it may take a while. Jesus once told a parable about a widow who did not give up:

Luk 18:1-8
1Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. 3And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, `Grant me justice against my adversary.'
4"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, `Even though I don't fear God or care about men, 5yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "
6And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

This is enduring faith! Do not give up in the face of struggle.

A small sidetrack: When Jesus says, “will he really find faith on the earth,” He does not mean believers, or if there will be anyone at all who believe in Him when He comes back. Rather He is wondering about if there will be any with such enduring faith as this widow when he comes back. This is not meant as a prophecy either, but as a rhetorical question.

Do not dictate God

I have heard people say that if God does not do it this way, I will not consider it an answer. I believe that an answer is many times closer than we think, but because we want it to be our way, we do not see it. It is impossible to dictate God and not necessarily either. His way of replying is the best one, always! There are few times I received an answer identical to the one I expected. God often knows an easier and better way of answering our prayer than what we expect. We have expected answers to prayer to be something that should be very special and big, but often it is quite simple.
A personal example: One time I wanted to have a car for a few months, and I told God this. God answered quickly, but in an unexpected manner. I thought that God would arrange for someone to approach me, and offering me to borrow his or her car for a few months. Instead God reminded me of a couple who were going away for a few months, and asked me to ask them if I could rent their car while they where abroad. Hence I got the car I wanted for a few months and was also able to bless the couple with some extra money. Our God is a practical God!

Find out if it is God’s will

I have already mentioned this, but I thought I would like to talk about it in a separate paragraph. Because your faith starts where you know God’s will. If you are nor certain, you may want to take a peek in the Bible and find if you have a promise for it. Of course, there are situations where it is impossible to find a biblical promise, and therefore it can be hard to know God’s will. But I believe that the majority of the things we normally pray for have a promise attached to it from the Bible, and then it is God’s will to answer that prayer.

God’s will and healing

Healing can be a difficult issue. Many claim if someone who is sick is not healed, it is God’s will. God wanted to use the sickness in order to witness to other sick people. They forget that one would be more effective healed, and also an example of God’s love and power.
I believe strongly that God’s will is that everyone should be healed. That is consistent with God’s nature, and Jesus died not only for our sins but also for our sicknesses. Through the Lord’s prayer, we pray “Let your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” In Heaven there is no sickness so therefore it must be God’s will that His kingdom, which includes healing, will come to us.
The fact that some experience healing and some not is a mystery. Even though we can find some answers, it is impossible to fully address the question why some are healed and some not.
We should not add to our own and other’s burden by saying we do not have not enough faith. If this was the case, our aim should be to encourage faith, instead of condemning it. Jesus never condemned this way. He pointed out the disciples’ lack of faith, but also helped them strengthening their own faith.
Another claim that many make is that it is God’s will for you to be sick, if you are so. But if that’s the case it becomes very difficult to believe in God for healing. To believe in healing at least permits hope for recovering, but if sickness is God’s will there is no hope for getting better. If I then should pray for healing, I would pray against God’s will. This is a wrong perception of God’s nature because it reveals a God who will not give good gift to His children.
Over the last year I have struggled with a disease that no doctor so far have found any cure for, which at times can be very frustrating. Lots of people have prayed for me, with no apparent improvement. But I have decided to trust in God’s goodness, and that He one time will completely set me free. If it will delay I will still believe that God is who He says He is and that He will heal me.

We live in a westernized world

The facts that we live in a westernized world prime us for unbelief that will hinder our answer to prayer. We have grown up in a culture where the supernatural has been largely ignored or denied, and where mankind is the center of the world. This clearly affects our faith. Also, we are not as desperate for answers as a poor man in a developing country with no money or doctor or food. Such men realize they need supernatural help.

Prayer for a spouse

I want to devote a separate headline for this topic because this topic is not just between a person and God, but also includes a third person, the to-be spouse, and his or hers will. God can never force anyone to be interested in you, due to human free will. Hence, it is not always right to pray that the person, who you have fallen in love with, will do the same with you. However, you can always ask God to make that one special person aware of you, and to help you make the right moves. But do not forget that God will never force this person to be interested in you.
Do not let your feelings control you. That will often lead to a tendency to manipulate.
A girl who was really interested in a boy once approached him and said, “God has told me to marry you”. The boy thought a little about it before he replied “I have never heard anything about it”.
It is important that we are not manipulative, or manipulate. Instead, we should always act on God’s word and in His ways. Especially when it comes to girl-boy relationship manipulation can be especially damaging, with great negative consequences. God can tell us how to marry but if that is the case, God Himself will also notice the other person. Maybe not at the same time, so be absolutely sure that the other person feels the same way for you as you feel for him or her, before you tell what God has told you about you two as a couple. You can pray for God’s guidance over the person who God has appointed for you, and that He will prepare your future spouse for you. One suggestion can be to list the characters of the spouse of your wish.
Several may ask, “Is there only one person who is the right one for me?” I do not think so. I believe several are potentially right for you. You will pick the right one. Off course, since God is omniscient He knows whom you will end up with, but He has given us free will to decide our own spouse (however, He likes to have some influence). The concept of only one right for each person ignores human free will, and also makes the probability great for missing the one.